Since I decided on a deadline to finish Caroline, I feel like I'm getting too complacent and it seems like my writing is getting lazy :( Therefore, I think it's in my (and the character's) best interest if I take the rest of December off. Now, this doesn't mean that I will stop writing OR change my deadline. I just won't be working on Caroline until January 17th (at least).

In the meantime, poor Touch needs some TLC and maybe I'll even be able to finish it (at least the first draft)! After working on it for I don't even remember how many years, it will be nice to see something completed.

I'm actually excited to get back into it...that story feels tighter than Caroline. Maybe because it's about older people.

Deadline

I decided to set a deadline to finish the second edit of Caroline. I hope to be done by April 30th of 2012. I still have a lot of work to do. I'm almost finished with chapter 19 and the original story had 33 chapters (including a prologue and epilogue).

I'm actually quite excited about the prospect. Not so much about finishing (though that is plenty exciting in itself), but in having a deadline. That usually pushes me to do what I need to. Off we go!

I am lost. I'm not sure of another way to put it. I can't seem to get back the passion I once had for Caroline. Maybe it's just been too long. Maybe I need to work on another story. Maybe I should chuck it all and start my own think tank (props to anyone who knows what movie that's from -- hint: it leads to a spirited game of hockey). What I do know is that I can't stop writing.

I wonder if God wants me to stop. Maybe I should ask Him.

I seem to have lost my motivation lately. Now, this could be for a number of reasons (however many I come up with), but I think the main one is PAIN...I'm having surgery in 3 days..YIKES...and though this is not my personal blog, my writing life and my life life often bleed together, so I have to accept the effect this surgery is having on EVERYTHING. Anyway, I've had to stay away from my trusty Aleve since Thursday, and I am hurting...

Another reason, which I only fully embraced a few days ago, is that I am lost. Yes, Caroline is written out to the end, but the one plot change I made has snowballed throughout the whole book and I can't see the end. Stupid avalanche! It's hard for me to stay focused on the present without having a plan for the outcome. Paging Dr. Freud. I'm not willing to accept it, but this ALSO bleeds into my 'other' life.

I have taken a hiatus from the critiquing group...reason 3 in this twisted saga is that I think my writing is juvenile and worthless. This happens every few months, so I'm not too worried. It will pass. But a major cause of this is reading other people's stories. I needed a break and I'm not giving myself a time limit...

Apparently the number of the day is 3.

I've been listening to the soundtrack I created for Caroline, hoping that will push me back into the trenches. But unfortunately, Sick Puppies (as much as I love them) can't ease the pressure on my sciatic nerve.

I'm trying to take it easy on myself, but it's not as simple as it sounds. I'm in pain, I should give myself a break...right? But the pain has been around for years...it's getting old. Not to mention that it's lost the 'excuse' status. I don't have a job, so writing has become that for me and I've let myself down because I don't feel like doing it. I should be done with this already. How hard is writing a book really?

Very hard, many would say. I think the harder part is NOT writing. I'm constantly thinking about my stories...scenes, dialogue, plots...or the characters. Many songs I like are only because they fit the story or what story I could tell based on the lyrics. That was actually the beginning of Caroline...a song called...yup, you guessed it...Caroline.

So...I've been contemplating a MAJOR plot change for Caroline. Whether I'm actually going to do it is the question. It will turn the story away from the 'happy ending' it currently has now. But I don't know...it doesn't seem to have a point in the larger scheme of moving the story along. Or a point period.

When I get to that point in the story, I doubt I'll follow through with the threat. It's a mean thing to do. I've only told two people and neither thinks it's a good idea.

I'm plugging along with the book, though. I'm almost done with chapter 17. Yay!!

back again

I'm not even going to get into the cliched 'oh, it's been so long' crap; oh, wait! I kinda just did, didn't I? Ah, whatever...

The truth of the matter is that my motivation/desire to write has taken a nosedive since my computer died (the first time--yeah, it died again). But the period of mourning has gone on long enough.

I recently joined a e-mail critiquing group and have posted the prologue and 1st chapter of Caroline. The response wasn't quite as good as I expected, but I believe that is a good thing. It just means I have some work to do. Also, the 'audience' there doesn't seem to be Christian, so they may not understand/accept my story. I don't want to underestimate the ladies there, but I believe mine is the only religious work. I have developed a friendship (of sorts) with one lady who has told me she's a Christian; so there's potential.

I'm excited about the prospect of finishing Caroline again. I have changed the plot and am hoping to make the characters stronger and more convincing. One person in the group told me that she doesn't connect with the main character. Hmmm. I was a little distressed to hear that, but I am that much more determined to make her more likeable and relate-able. How to do that, I haven't a clue...yet. I like her :)

I'm at chapter 17 right now.

commitments

I'm starting to think that this isn't going to be a very successful commitment for me...maybe instead of a chapter a week, I should go for a certain word count...it's really hard to commit to writing a chapter when I don't know when/if I'll feel inspired.

If that's true, than committing to a word count presents the same problem. I'm up to four paragraphs now (224 words) and I can't say that I like what I've written.

I'd like to be able to commit to editing what I've written so far (both in Touch and Caroline), but that's tricky as well since I'm working with another person whose schedule I can't control.

I suppose I could make a commitment to finish typing Caroline...or maybe I'm just taking this commitment thing too far...