I seem to have lost my motivation lately. Now, this could be for a number of reasons (however many I come up with), but I think the main one is PAIN...I'm having surgery in 3 days..YIKES...and though this is not my personal blog, my writing life and my life life often bleed together, so I have to accept the effect this surgery is having on EVERYTHING. Anyway, I've had to stay away from my trusty Aleve since Thursday, and I am hurting...

Another reason, which I only fully embraced a few days ago, is that I am lost. Yes, Caroline is written out to the end, but the one plot change I made has snowballed throughout the whole book and I can't see the end. Stupid avalanche! It's hard for me to stay focused on the present without having a plan for the outcome. Paging Dr. Freud. I'm not willing to accept it, but this ALSO bleeds into my 'other' life.

I have taken a hiatus from the critiquing group...reason 3 in this twisted saga is that I think my writing is juvenile and worthless. This happens every few months, so I'm not too worried. It will pass. But a major cause of this is reading other people's stories. I needed a break and I'm not giving myself a time limit...

Apparently the number of the day is 3.

I've been listening to the soundtrack I created for Caroline, hoping that will push me back into the trenches. But unfortunately, Sick Puppies (as much as I love them) can't ease the pressure on my sciatic nerve.

I'm trying to take it easy on myself, but it's not as simple as it sounds. I'm in pain, I should give myself a break...right? But the pain has been around for years...it's getting old. Not to mention that it's lost the 'excuse' status. I don't have a job, so writing has become that for me and I've let myself down because I don't feel like doing it. I should be done with this already. How hard is writing a book really?

Very hard, many would say. I think the harder part is NOT writing. I'm constantly thinking about my stories...scenes, dialogue, plots...or the characters. Many songs I like are only because they fit the story or what story I could tell based on the lyrics. That was actually the beginning of Caroline...a song called...yup, you guessed it...Caroline.